It's my birthday. It's 3am eternal and I can't sleep. I am 37 weeks pregnant and just finished a bowl of Lucky Charms. My husband is passed out on the couch while some conservative television channel (abc) airs annoying content. After work we are going to this cupcake shop that my friend Sandi told me about. I am going to get the most amazing chocolate cupcake for $2.50. Before I came out to the computer, I was lying in bed thinking about things. Some things were how life is so short and gets shorter as you get older, how it feels like I've been focused on so many other things for so long that I've forgotten who I am, how I'm going to approach this employee at work tomorrow, what my new job consists of, what adaptation and diplomacy are all about and whether or not they are truly signs of maturity, etc. So many thoughts were flying that I felt the urge to write. Of course, as soon as I got out here I forgot mostly everything. I'll blame it on the pregnancy hormones for now. In reality it's probably the result of years of drug/alcohol experimentation or some organic brain disorder. Or possibly the result of pushing myself into so many directions with no real focus.
I have goals for this new year. One is to practice minimalism. The others involve breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, attachment parenting, baby-wearing, etc.; planning better (for example, I am going to start planning now for the annual Halloween party we are going to start, and I am going to plan out activities to do with my daughter this summer); and the typical continuing education in my home-making activities such as gardening, remodeling, decorating, entertaining, cooking (healthfully, hopefully), and maintaining a menagerie of two dogs, two cats, and one fish. I'd also like to get on the incline again as soon as I can after I birth this child. Career-wise, my goal is to develop this new position I've filled. School-wise, I'll just keep plugging along and hopefully stop using student loans and start paying off the ones I already have. When tax-refund time comes I might get a car, or I am sure there will be opportunities for bill repayment by then.
My friend, Tyler, died earlier this month. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. Also, I'm trying to figure out of my hum-drum attitude is another side-effect of my pregnancy hormones or if I need to do something different - guess I'll find out in the next few months. I don't think it's the result of complacency....I suspect it's because I've been so tired from my parasitic little dude. Also trying to wrap my mind around having a son. No more dancing around the house like nature-girl. Again, life has come at me fast this past year. It might slow down if I try harder to live in the moment. Or perhaps that might speed it up. But, I do know that living in the moment makes me happier.
Okay, I'm tired. There you go. Birthday blog.
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