My proud letter

Hey there, silly!

First of all, I do not love my life or my job to the point of telling everyone...but I am rather manic at times, in a sarcastic kinda way. Actually, I hate my job at times (lots of times), but other times are rewarding and it pays the bills.

Second of all, what a great reply to my profile....good job!

Third of all, hmmm....well, I just don't know. I'm kind of happy just being me, but most of the time feel that the "me" I like to be just isn't good enough for other people to appreciate. I've been stood up and broken up with lots in the last year, in fact, I am being stood up right now as I'm writing to you.

I really like your responses to my questions, so I guess I should try to give you my answers to my own questions.

1.) I have no idea what happens when we die, and I like to live each day as if it might be my last, which makes me unpredictable and flaky (not in a good way). I also like to live unattached to things, so that if I do die, I don't feel such a great loss (yes, a little Buddhist). I am more than a little disappointed in this life so far, so I'm hoping that either everything goes black or the next world is a little better.

2.) I have not seen MIB, but from the reference, "tiny universes", I think that it may be comparable to my thoughts about the universe. I think that it is infinite, and I think we are a tiny cell or atom or electron on something much bigger. I actually think we are a cell, or part of a cell or organ that is dying of cancer. I also think it is possible that when we die, our "self" goes into all of our elements and spreads into other things (plants, dirt, what have you), and we live again in another world, on a much smaller scale, but our essence permeates multiple worlds, which may explain why the universe is so interconnected, and phenomena such as deja vu and other silly mind tricks.

3.) I don't think that people will know whether or not they will be good parents. I thought I would be, but I certainly don't feel that I am. Yet, I still have this biological urge to reproduce. Although I love my daughter, I feel horrible that I brought her into this world. Now she will have to suffer and die like every other living being. Of course, there is beauty in life. The moments we spend with those we love, the moments when we succeed, the excitement of being "right" or "better" or "sexier" than others, the moments when we figure out a piece to a puzzle, touching, being out in the sun, coming down barr trail after you do the incline, nailing a choreography sequence, smokin' a fatty and laughing your ass off, listening to your favorite song, eating at an Indian buffet, etc.

Well sir, I hope this evening finds you well. Email is so fast-paced and impersonal. I met someone a little while back that still writes actual paper letters to people on a regular basis...can you believe that??!!! Wanna be my pen pal??!! = )

TTYL,
T.