The Seventh Day of Lent

We are all fallible. This seems to be the theme of the week. So many people I know, including myself have demonstrated this recently. I gossiped. I overslept. I judged. I was too busy to spend time with my daughter. My husband got an attitude when I asked him to come pick up our daughter because I had been drinking. My husband's supervisor's doubted him. One of my co-workers was deceptive. Another one was so obviously naive. Still another one arrogant. And another one too busy to respond. A whole meeting room full of committee members bashed my department, perhaps they had forgotten that that was the department that I worked in. My sister was frustrated and negative. My teacher yelled at the class and belittled one of the students. My mentor even failed me today; although I'm sure it was unbeknown to him.

Sometimes I wonder if my perception of life is way off. I mean, I did do a lot of drugs when I was younger, and I can tell that they have had some effect on my memory. I feel like a horrible parent most of the time because in my own personal rat race I don't have a whole lot of time leftover to spend with my family. At the same time, we wouldn't have been able to build what we have today (materially speaking) if I didn't do this. I know its all about striking a balance, but right now I'm just trying to graduate and save the world. And I'm tired. So, so tired. That's because I'm fat. I so need to exercise. I don't think I've been at this point of laziness since I was about 10. I was the fat kid. The awkward, fat, red-headed stepchild. There's an internalized perception. And I'm angry. I'm angry because I face so much resistance on a daily basis. I feel that I constantly must defend my ideas, or at least have an elaborate explanation for them planned and ready to go. Every time I open my mouth at work, somebody feels they need to shut me up right away. Oooooooo.....the scary person with the ideas.

My therapist suggested that I keep a journal with what works and what doesn't work when it comes to being a leader. My sheer thoughtlessness has prevented me from doing this thus far. I guess that's why its good to write on here. But its like 7:23pm right now and I have a whole buttload of calculus to digest before tomorrow. That's weak sauce.